Bane of my existence

I have a problem and ironically enough it could even be termed a conundrum.

This is the conundrum: I like to sleep, in fact I need it. The problem is that I have a condition that doesn't let me sleep peacefully like I want.

The condition is called "sleep paralysis" but I prefer to call it the bane of my existence.

Sleep paralysis can happen at the onset of falling asleep (predormital paralysis) or upon waking up (postdormital paralysis). In both cases it is a time when the body has fallen asleep, or stays asleep, but the mind is conscious. Essentially, during sleep paralysis a person is conscious and often able to see, but is unable to move or speak. It's not very much fun to not be able to move, but to add to this already terrible situation, the paralysis is often accompanied by hallucinations. Unfortunately, these hallucinations aren't fun or exciting like gummy bears bouncing off the walls, or giant cookies dipping themselves in milk. Rather, the hallucinations are always hallucinations of imminent attack and death. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to find your body paralyzed and then you see a man walking into your room with the intention of killing you. Or imagine a shapeless form of darkness entering your room and stopping at your bedside while it decides how to take your life. Or even imagine laying on your side and "feeling" the weight of someone on your back and a pillow being forced in your face as they try to smother you to death. I can't quite describe the feeling of death, I guess it's like a pit in or tightening of your stomach that makes you sick...essentially, the feeling of imminent death is frightening and sickening.

This has happened to me anywhere from once a week to once every other month since I was 17. For a long time these experiences had a drastic impact on my life and my ability to sleep. In fact, the first time it occurred I thought it must have been the devil trying to posses me and I struggled to sleep every night for a week. I didn't dare tell anyone about my experiences for over a year, and after a few years of these experiences I finally learned that the devil wasn't trying to control me and that I wasn't crazy, but rather that I had a condition that plagues almost 3 out of every 10 people in the US. So I write about this to let everyone know that if you have had or do have a similar experience that it isn't a serious condition, and it most definitely isn't the devil trying to steal your soul. That doesn't really make the experiences any easier to deal with while they are occurring, but it sure helps you to be able to go back to sleep.

...sweet dreams ya'll.

La Familia Delgado-Ruiz

I just had the first and most likely the last legit spring break of my life...and I loved it!
I spent 2 days in Phoenix, 5 days in Mexico, and 9 days with my best friends.
Here's a few things that highlighted the trip.

-First time out of the country...amazing.
-The beach.
-The pool.
-The beach.
-The hot tub.
-The BEACH!
-Heckling Alfonso Soriano and the Cubs while getting dirty looks from Cubs fans nearby.
-Safe hands.
-Literally flying thru Mexico and Arizona on the way home. Props to Jose.
-Trains on the slide at the pool were out of control fun.
-Stolen car and assault.
-Run-in with the Mexican police.
-The hot Mexican sun.
-Volleyball on the beach.
-Late night walks on the beach.
-My new familia, Delgado-Ruiz.
-No cell, watch, internet, or tv.
-Henna tattoos.
-Carne Azada for pretty much every meal.
-Sleepovers.
-Best friends.
-Beautiful girl.

It was a great trip. I want to go back right now. Here are a few pics just to give you an idea of how wonderful it was...

Someone great

"Someone Great" by LCD Soundsystem

I've loved this song since I heard it over a year ago, but recently it has been slaying me.

Check it.

My Contingency Plan

The world is becoming a scary place these days and I am becoming increasingly concerned with my own safety and the safety of my loved ones. Everyday I hear about more wars, rumor of wars, murder, rape, inhumane acts, and vicious crimes. So this past week I was pondering upon what I need to do to prepare myself and my friends for what is to come and realized that I might have some holes in my defenses.

Sure I might be prepared to protect myself from murderers, rapists, wars, and acts of animal cruelty, but am I really ready for anything?

Luckily I have Hollywood. Movies have prepared me a contingency plan for almost any terrible, world ending situation. Like what to do if all the semi-trucks and lawn mowers in the world become possessed and try to kill all mankind, or what I should do if the earth is about to take a direct hit from a giant meteor, or even what to do if gremlins try to take over my neighborhood. Essentially, Hollywood has been preparing us for the end of the world for years, we just haven't been paying close enough attention.

But being the rational man that I am I realized that there is only one world ending situation we can and should be worried about:

A zombie outbreak.

Since realizing the seriousness of this future problem I have devoted serious thought and hours of planning in order to prepare myself for a zombie outbreak and this is what I have come up with. 

My plan is simple and consists of 7 steps:
1- Acquire shotgun and loads of ammunition (for defense).
2- Stock up on beef jerky, peanut butter, and water filters (for eating and stuff).
3- Stock up on winter clothing and have it ready to go at any moment (for warmth).
4- Own a truck with plenty of gas cans (for transportation).
5- Have all of it ready to go as soon as zombie outbreak occurs (for quick escape).
6- Drive north into Alaska or Canada where it's too cold for zombies and their coagulated blood to function (for safety).
7- Enjoy hunting/fishing/sledding/living in peace until the end of your days (for happiness).

Mind you, this isn't the only plan, and maybe not even the best plan, but it is a plan and that's better than nothing. For this reason I urge all of you to honestly consider the threat of a zombie outbreak and write up a legitimate contingency plan. Also, if you have your own zombie contingency plan or advice/revisions to my plan I would ask that you please share so that we can all share in a safer, happier, and zombie-less future.

I'm ready for a zombie outbreak, are you?

You can't fool me, faker.

It's student government election time at USU.

It's also a time I generally dislike.

I really have nothing against the elections themselves. I don't mind the weird shirts/bandannas/stickers/patches/tattoos/costumes/boondoggles, or the signs/posters, or the coupons for free/discounted stuff.

The thing that irks me about student elections is the all fakeness.

A week ago I could have been bleeding-out in the halls of the TSC and some of the people running for office probably would have just walked on by, not caring about me one little bit. But this week they are running for an office that pays pretty darn good (for college students) and it all depends on how many people they can get to vote for them. So today those same people who would've let me bleed to death in the TSC are my best friends and are "sincerely" concerned about me and my life. They want to know how school/work is, how the lady situation is, if I have any concerns/complaints about the University, they're even "concerned" with how my terminally ill hamster is doing. I don't even have a terminally ill hamster...idiots. They can try to act like real people, but underneath their thin skin of "care" and "concern" I can see that they are really just uncaring/money hungry robots of fakeness.

Granted, I have quite a few friends running for various positions and I wish them the best of luck in the elections. But that still doesn't change my feelings for the whole election process. I don't like how it makes people fake and I don't like how people think that I'm suddenly their best friend.. .it's annoying. I won't ever trust you fake peoples, I'm not about to get fooled like Willy did in "I am Legend"...mostly because I don't want to get killed by zombies, but also mostly because I don't want to have to kill my best/only friend. So please don't be fake with me cause it won't work, I'm real.

Fred fooled Will. Don't expect to be so lucky with me fakers.

A tribute

My Mother turned (censored) this year and for her birthday she got her first real cell phone.

She chose (actually, it was most likely my electronic savvy Father who chose for her) an iPhone. I laughed at first when she showed it to me and said, "Look Brett, I finally got a cell phone." I couldn't believe that my technology resistant Mom was finally going the way of the world by owning a cell phone.

To understand my awe and disbelief you need understand the relationship my Mom and technology have. My mom might say that she knows how to use technology just fine, but that is a lie. For example, about 15 years back my Mom couldn't figure out how to turn the computer on and had to as my 3 year-old sister to do it for her. To this day my Mom struggles with simple technology like e-mail, cell phones, wireless internet, television recordings, GPS devices, and surface to air missile systems; yet she somehow is able to stay connected with the world and her loved ones.

The amount of knowledge my Mom has concerning electronics and technology is laughable, but I give her props for taking a step of faith into the world of cellular devices. I had the opportunity of teaching my Mom to text, to make and receive calls, and the wonders of You Tube. It was a great birthday and now I enjoy having deep and intellectual text conversations with my Mom...it is great.

My Mom is the best, she is a saint, and I love her.

I know you probably won't read this Mom, but I love you and I'm proud of you for finally being all growed up!

Thinkings and Ponderings

Do you want to know more about the world?
Do you consider mullets to be a legitimate haircut or just plain awesome? 
Are you sick of reading "news" in the Statesman and local opinion newspapers?
Do you ever stay awake at night worrying about global warming and how we can make it warmer?
Do you wonder why penguins look so funny when they walk?
Would you like to get some new fresh insights into different events around the globe?
Do you like cool shiz?

If you answered yes to all or one or none of these questions then I suggest you check out my new blog titled "Inform This!" It will be a weekly or bi-weekly blog covering different world events, both current and past, that have worldwide importance.

I am pretty sure you should check it out if you want to get smarts...here it is.

That's your empty brain he is sweeping up. Get to my new blog soon and often so your brain isn't empty.