I haven't written a lot as of late, but I would be lying if I said that I hadn't been doing a lot of thinking.
I've come to realize that we, and by 'we' I mean humans, often want contradictory things. Most people want consistency and security, yet at the same time most want change and freedom. We often want other people to make decisions for us, and simultaneously we want to be able to make our own decisions. To add to this we often want what we cannot, or do not have and then when we do have it we no longer want it. I don't really understand this aspect of human nature, but I believe that it is linked to our carnal attributes of ungratefulness and selfishness. This aspect of human nature creates quite the conundrum, and sets us up for some very interesting and disappointing situations.
I believe that much of this could be bypassed if we remembered one piece of information:
"Every blessing ignored becomes a curse." - Paulo Cohelo, The Alchemist
Life is the greatest blessing of all, and if we ignore it and don't acknowledge it as the blessing it is then it becomes a curse. If we recognized all the blessings in our lives then we would be content with our situations and events in life and wouldn't always be seeking those things we don't have.
On a more personal note, I want change and progress in my own life, yet I am scared to death of that same change and progress and I kind of wish I could just stay in my comfort zone aka Logan. But I know that this change will be good for me and help me grow into a better, smarter, faster, handsomer, more desirable, funnier, nicer, warmer, more Jewish, and happier person. I just need to recognize all these opportunities as a blessing and I will be able to take full advantage of them all...life is about change and mine is just about to get a big dose of it. I'm not gonna lie I am a little bit scared, but I can't wait to see what is in store for me.
I love you all Marta.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Happy time
I dig holes.
It might not sound like too much fun, but it's what I do to earn a living in the summer. It gives me a great farmers tan, keeps me out of trouble, and gives me a lot of time to think.
Lately (for the past few years) I've had the topic of perspective constantly on my mind. But due to a few conversations I've had with Natalie in recent weeks and the amount of time I've had to dig holes I've been thinking a lot about the correlation between happiness and our perspective of time. I have been thinking a lot about how people, in general, never seem to be content with the present. Instead, we are always either looking forward to something/time in the future or we are looking back into our past and trying to relive our memories. Planning for the future and reminiscing about old times aren't bad things, in fact I think they are both innevitable and necessary in life. But they both become a problem when they consume our lives and limit our ability to live in the present.
In life we are all searching for happiness and for some reason many of us get the idea in our heads that the grass is always greener on the other side, that right now might suck but in the future we will be happy, or that if we could return to our past we would be happy again. Those ideas might not always be wrong, the grass could be greener on the other side, we could be happy in the future, or we could be happy if we were reliving our pasts. The problem with all those scenarios and perspectives is that we have no control over them now. Tomorrow doesn't yet exist, the future is not set, the past is gone and we can't return. When we are constantly looking to the future or the past for our happiness we are in essence living in a time that does not exist. If our happiness is only found in the future or the past then it too does not exist and therefore we will never find the happiness we so desperately seek.
The only way to find happiness is in the present, it is the only time that exists. The present is our past and our future. What we do now determines what we did in the past and what we will do in the future. That is precisely why it is so important to enjoy the now, not later or the before. So enjoy today, make the best of the grass you are standing on, live where you are, not where you think you should be. If you do that you will be happy now, the grass will be greener now, the past will be full of happiness and in the future you will find what you make of today.
You're life will be happiness.
It might not sound like too much fun, but it's what I do to earn a living in the summer. It gives me a great farmers tan, keeps me out of trouble, and gives me a lot of time to think.
Lately (for the past few years) I've had the topic of perspective constantly on my mind. But due to a few conversations I've had with Natalie in recent weeks and the amount of time I've had to dig holes I've been thinking a lot about the correlation between happiness and our perspective of time. I have been thinking a lot about how people, in general, never seem to be content with the present. Instead, we are always either looking forward to something/time in the future or we are looking back into our past and trying to relive our memories. Planning for the future and reminiscing about old times aren't bad things, in fact I think they are both innevitable and necessary in life. But they both become a problem when they consume our lives and limit our ability to live in the present.
The only way to find happiness is in the present, it is the only time that exists. The present is our past and our future. What we do now determines what we did in the past and what we will do in the future. That is precisely why it is so important to enjoy the now, not later or the before. So enjoy today, make the best of the grass you are standing on, live where you are, not where you think you should be. If you do that you will be happy now, the grass will be greener now, the past will be full of happiness and in the future you will find what you make of today.
You're life will be happiness.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sometimes I fall in love
It seems like about once every 3 to 6 months I fall in love with a song and listen to it non-stop.
This is the song that I am in love with right now. Hope you enjoy.
This is the song that I am in love with right now. Hope you enjoy.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Phenom
Today I will rant a little bit about my favorite subject, Atlanta Braves baseball.
This year the Braves brought up a 20 year-old right fielder from AAA with the hopes that he would live up to his amazing potential as a baseball player and energize the entire team. There were many skeptics out there wondering whether or not that was a good move by the Braves. They wondered if he would be able to hold up under all the pressure and media coverage. Many believed he was too young and too inexperienced to handle it. Luckily for me, and all Braves fans out there, they seem to have been wrong.
It may be too early to tell, but through the first 50 games (of 162) of the season he seems to be living up to the hype that has surrounded him since day one. Among NL-Leaders he is ranked 1st in SLG (.596), 1st in OPS (1.017), 3rd in RBI (38), 3rd in OBP (.421), 7th in 3B (3), 8th in HR (10), 11th in BB (29), and 16th in BA (.301).
If you don't follow baseball (you should) then you prob don't really understand what all those stats mean, but to put it simply, Jason Heyward is among the best baseball players offensively in the Major Leagues this year. I am glad to see him and the Braves (28 - 22) doing well this season, but I can't wait to see just how good Jason Heyward becomes in the future.
With that said, I love baseball!
This year the Braves brought up a 20 year-old right fielder from AAA with the hopes that he would live up to his amazing potential as a baseball player and energize the entire team. There were many skeptics out there wondering whether or not that was a good move by the Braves. They wondered if he would be able to hold up under all the pressure and media coverage. Many believed he was too young and too inexperienced to handle it. Luckily for me, and all Braves fans out there, they seem to have been wrong.It may be too early to tell, but through the first 50 games (of 162) of the season he seems to be living up to the hype that has surrounded him since day one. Among NL-Leaders he is ranked 1st in SLG (.596), 1st in OPS (1.017), 3rd in RBI (38), 3rd in OBP (.421), 7th in 3B (3), 8th in HR (10), 11th in BB (29), and 16th in BA (.301).
If you don't follow baseball (you should) then you prob don't really understand what all those stats mean, but to put it simply, Jason Heyward is among the best baseball players offensively in the Major Leagues this year. I am glad to see him and the Braves (28 - 22) doing well this season, but I can't wait to see just how good Jason Heyward becomes in the future.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
You might call it a metamorphosis of sorts.
Pardon the french, but this has been a hell of a week (or two).
So let me give you a short synopsis of the fast week or so.
I finished my final finals at Utah State University on Wednesday at 3:45 in the pm. I finished my last semester with a whopping two B+'s, one A-, and a B. I worked at Cafe Sabor Thursday and worked my last two shifts after nearly 4 years of employment as a server there. I spent Friday packing and moving out of the hole that my landlord calls "a house" and moved into a much needed upgrade about 3 blocks away. I woke at 7:45 on Saturday and spent the day graduating with two diplomas, becoming best friends with Danny Glover, finishing moving, and partying with Nat and my family. To top it all off I recently decided to go to law school at Santa Clara in the fall so in a few short months I will be moving once again to the debt-ridden state of California.
It has been a very bitter sweet week, a week with a wide variety of emotions. I know that you're all thinking that manly men like myself don't have any emotions other than angry and immature, but I have at times felt excited, scared, happy, sad, frustrated, unworthy, proud, content, optimistic, anxious, stressed, worn-out, forgotten, loved, grateful, ordinary, and accomplished.
The future is bound to bring some heartache and pains, but I am excited to move onto the next stage in my life. I can't wait to see what the world has to offer and to grow thru whatever experiences it has in store. But I am also scared to have so much change, so much uncertainty in my life. The last 4 years of my life have been filled with certainty and constancy and I am sad to be leaving this town and University that I have come to know so well and love so much. I am sad to think of leaving the the many friends that I have made here and perhaps never seeing them again. If I could choose one word to describe how I felt I would put sad and excited together and make saxicted, ya I'm saxcited.
This may be a little premature since I still have one more glorious Summer to experience, but I just want to say to Logan, USU, my many friends, and my family that we've made a good run and that I'm gonna love ya, I'm gonna miss ya. Seriously, I will shed a few tears over this.
So let me give you a short synopsis of the fast week or so.
I finished my final finals at Utah State University on Wednesday at 3:45 in the pm. I finished my last semester with a whopping two B+'s, one A-, and a B. I worked at Cafe Sabor Thursday and worked my last two shifts after nearly 4 years of employment as a server there. I spent Friday packing and moving out of the hole that my landlord calls "a house" and moved into a much needed upgrade about 3 blocks away. I woke at 7:45 on Saturday and spent the day graduating with two diplomas, becoming best friends with Danny Glover, finishing moving, and partying with Nat and my family. To top it all off I recently decided to go to law school at Santa Clara in the fall so in a few short months I will be moving once again to the debt-ridden state of California.
It has been a very bitter sweet week, a week with a wide variety of emotions. I know that you're all thinking that manly men like myself don't have any emotions other than angry and immature, but I have at times felt excited, scared, happy, sad, frustrated, unworthy, proud, content, optimistic, anxious, stressed, worn-out, forgotten, loved, grateful, ordinary, and accomplished.
The future is bound to bring some heartache and pains, but I am excited to move onto the next stage in my life. I can't wait to see what the world has to offer and to grow thru whatever experiences it has in store. But I am also scared to have so much change, so much uncertainty in my life. The last 4 years of my life have been filled with certainty and constancy and I am sad to be leaving this town and University that I have come to know so well and love so much. I am sad to think of leaving the the many friends that I have made here and perhaps never seeing them again. If I could choose one word to describe how I felt I would put sad and excited together and make saxicted, ya I'm saxcited.
This may be a little premature since I still have one more glorious Summer to experience, but I just want to say to Logan, USU, my many friends, and my family that we've made a good run and that I'm gonna love ya, I'm gonna miss ya. Seriously, I will shed a few tears over this.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
It's pretty much painless
I gots two items of business that happen to be interrelated and are of grave consequence:
One- I am finally graduating from USU after five years of skipping class and b.s.ing on my exams. It is weird to think about finally graduating since I began my college career at USU in the fall of 2003, almost 7 years ago and now it's all coming to an end...weird, huh?
Two- Mr. Danny Glover is the speaker at my graduation commencement. I think the University made a great decision in choosing the star of the Lethal Weapons saga, Predator, and Angels in the Outfield for the graduation commencement speaker. I can only think of two people I would rather receive council from as I go out into the world, those being Jack Bauer and Tupac Shakur of course. With that said I mean no disrespect to Mr. Glover and I am extremely excited to hear him expound the mysteries of the universe and the future to me and my colleagues.
Unfortunately not everyone is so keen on Mr. Glover. Apparently he is a friend to Hugo Chavez and is "out there" because he believes in global warming. I had no idea that my favorite black actor of all-time (besides Will Smith, Samuel L. Jackson, "Morphius", Morgan Freeman, Jamie Foxx, Halle Berry, the guy from the All-State commercials, Tracy Morgan, Kenan & Kel, Denzel Washington, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, Vince Vaughn, Eminem, and Ice Cube) had such crazy ideas. Many people in Northern Utah are in an uproar over the USU's decision to have Mr. Glover, who is a "crazy", "liberal", "socialist", "communist", "nazi", "America-hater", and "non-conservative", speak at USU. Some opponents of Mr. Glover believe he should be stripped of his US citizenship because he has different views and opposes many of the actions of the government which we all know is not allowed in the US and is considered treason and should result in his being hanged. Some people are so disturbed by Mr. Glover and his crazy ways that they now hate USU and will never donate a penny to the institution. Apparently the whomever the University chooses for it commencement speaker at graduation becomes the face of the institution and shows the true character of the institution.
I am honestly baffled at the very stringent opposition to Mr. Glover. I myself don't agree with many of the views of Mr. Glover, but what does it hurt to learn about different perspectives and ideas? In fact, I bet that he doesn't even talk about his political views, but rather talks about succeeding in life and making a difference in the world, you know, something that would make sense at a graduation speech. All those critics and haters of Mr. Glover also seem to always leave out the fact that he is a very active philanthropist and holds a key leadership position in UNICEF, not to mention his amazing acting skills. He might have some crazy ideas and disagree with the opinions of many Americans, but that that is what America is all about and it certainly doesn't make him a bad person.
People always seem to be scared of what they don't understand and things they are uncomfortable with. This insecurity and people's inability or lack of desire to understand other people and cultures often results in bigotry, hatred, and conflict. People need to lighten up and open up their minds to new ideas and perspectives it makes the world a better, happier, and more interesting place to be. I'm not saying anyone has to agree with another person's opinions or ideas (especially not Mr. Glover's), but what does it hurt to listen and try to understand something/someone a little better?
...it doesn't hurt at all.
Watch this and then try hating Danny...it's not possible.
One- I am finally graduating from USU after five years of skipping class and b.s.ing on my exams. It is weird to think about finally graduating since I began my college career at USU in the fall of 2003, almost 7 years ago and now it's all coming to an end...weird, huh?
Two- Mr. Danny Glover is the speaker at my graduation commencement. I think the University made a great decision in choosing the star of the Lethal Weapons saga, Predator, and Angels in the Outfield for the graduation commencement speaker. I can only think of two people I would rather receive council from as I go out into the world, those being Jack Bauer and Tupac Shakur of course. With that said I mean no disrespect to Mr. Glover and I am extremely excited to hear him expound the mysteries of the universe and the future to me and my colleagues.
Unfortunately not everyone is so keen on Mr. Glover. Apparently he is a friend to Hugo Chavez and is "out there" because he believes in global warming. I had no idea that my favorite black actor of all-time (besides Will Smith, Samuel L. Jackson, "Morphius", Morgan Freeman, Jamie Foxx, Halle Berry, the guy from the All-State commercials, Tracy Morgan, Kenan & Kel, Denzel Washington, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, Vince Vaughn, Eminem, and Ice Cube) had such crazy ideas. Many people in Northern Utah are in an uproar over the USU's decision to have Mr. Glover, who is a "crazy", "liberal", "socialist", "communist", "nazi", "America-hater", and "non-conservative", speak at USU. Some opponents of Mr. Glover believe he should be stripped of his US citizenship because he has different views and opposes many of the actions of the government which we all know is not allowed in the US and is considered treason and should result in his being hanged. Some people are so disturbed by Mr. Glover and his crazy ways that they now hate USU and will never donate a penny to the institution. Apparently the whomever the University chooses for it commencement speaker at graduation becomes the face of the institution and shows the true character of the institution.
I am honestly baffled at the very stringent opposition to Mr. Glover. I myself don't agree with many of the views of Mr. Glover, but what does it hurt to learn about different perspectives and ideas? In fact, I bet that he doesn't even talk about his political views, but rather talks about succeeding in life and making a difference in the world, you know, something that would make sense at a graduation speech. All those critics and haters of Mr. Glover also seem to always leave out the fact that he is a very active philanthropist and holds a key leadership position in UNICEF, not to mention his amazing acting skills. He might have some crazy ideas and disagree with the opinions of many Americans, but that that is what America is all about and it certainly doesn't make him a bad person.
People always seem to be scared of what they don't understand and things they are uncomfortable with. This insecurity and people's inability or lack of desire to understand other people and cultures often results in bigotry, hatred, and conflict. People need to lighten up and open up their minds to new ideas and perspectives it makes the world a better, happier, and more interesting place to be. I'm not saying anyone has to agree with another person's opinions or ideas (especially not Mr. Glover's), but what does it hurt to listen and try to understand something/someone a little better?
...it doesn't hurt at all.
Watch this and then try hating Danny...it's not possible.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Bane of my existence
I have a problem and ironically enough it could even be termed a conundrum.
This is the conundrum: I like to sleep, in fact I need it. The problem is that I have a condition that doesn't let me sleep peacefully like I want.
The condition is called "sleep paralysis" but I prefer to call it the bane of my existence.
Sleep paralysis can happen at the onset of falling asleep (predormital paralysis) or upon waking up (postdormital paralysis). In both cases it is a time when the body has fallen asleep, or stays asleep, but the mind is conscious. Essentially, during sleep paralysis a person is conscious and often able to see, but is unable to move or speak. It's not very much fun to not be able to move, but to add to this already terrible situation, the paralysis is often accompanied by hallucinations. Unfortunately, these hallucinations aren't fun or exciting like gummy bears bouncing off the walls, or giant cookies dipping themselves in milk. Rather, the hallucinations are always hallucinations of imminent attack and death. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to find your body paralyzed and then you see a man walking into your room with the intention of killing you. Or imagine a shapeless form of darkness entering your room and stopping at your bedside while it decides how to take your life. Or even imagine laying on your side and "feeling" the weight of someone on your back and a pillow being forced in your face as they try to smother you to death. I can't quite describe the feeling of death, I guess it's like a pit in or tightening of your stomach that makes you sick...essentially, the feeling of imminent death is frightening and sickening.
This has happened to me anywhere from once a week to once every other month since I was 17. For a long time these experiences had a drastic impact on my life and my ability to sleep. In fact, the first time it occurred I thought it must have been the devil trying to posses me and I struggled to sleep every night for a week. I didn't dare tell anyone about my experiences for over a year, and after a few years of these experiences I finally learned that the devil wasn't trying to control me and that I wasn't crazy, but rather that I had a condition that plagues almost 3 out of every 10 people in the US. So I write about this to let everyone know that if you have had or do have a similar experience that it isn't a serious condition, and it most definitely isn't the devil trying to steal your soul. That doesn't really make the experiences any easier to deal with while they are occurring, but it sure helps you to be able to go back to sleep.
...sweet dreams ya'll.
This is the conundrum: I like to sleep, in fact I need it. The problem is that I have a condition that doesn't let me sleep peacefully like I want.
The condition is called "sleep paralysis" but I prefer to call it the bane of my existence.
Sleep paralysis can happen at the onset of falling asleep (predormital paralysis) or upon waking up (postdormital paralysis). In both cases it is a time when the body has fallen asleep, or stays asleep, but the mind is conscious. Essentially, during sleep paralysis a person is conscious and often able to see, but is unable to move or speak. It's not very much fun to not be able to move, but to add to this already terrible situation, the paralysis is often accompanied by hallucinations. Unfortunately, these hallucinations aren't fun or exciting like gummy bears bouncing off the walls, or giant cookies dipping themselves in milk. Rather, the hallucinations are always hallucinations of imminent attack and death. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to find your body paralyzed and then you see a man walking into your room with the intention of killing you. Or imagine a shapeless form of darkness entering your room and stopping at your bedside while it decides how to take your life. Or even imagine laying on your side and "feeling" the weight of someone on your back and a pillow being forced in your face as they try to smother you to death. I can't quite describe the feeling of death, I guess it's like a pit in or tightening of your stomach that makes you sick...essentially, the feeling of imminent death is frightening and sickening.
This has happened to me anywhere from once a week to once every other month since I was 17. For a long time these experiences had a drastic impact on my life and my ability to sleep. In fact, the first time it occurred I thought it must have been the devil trying to posses me and I struggled to sleep every night for a week. I didn't dare tell anyone about my experiences for over a year, and after a few years of these experiences I finally learned that the devil wasn't trying to control me and that I wasn't crazy, but rather that I had a condition that plagues almost 3 out of every 10 people in the US. So I write about this to let everyone know that if you have had or do have a similar experience that it isn't a serious condition, and it most definitely isn't the devil trying to steal your soul. That doesn't really make the experiences any easier to deal with while they are occurring, but it sure helps you to be able to go back to sleep.
...sweet dreams ya'll.
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