Stay Awkward San Diego

This past week I gave a talk in church on gratitude, so naturally I've been noticing a lot of things in my life that I am grateful for. Like, a wearing a brand new pair of socks, the smell of bacon all the time, otterpops in the summer, just barely making a green light, mullets on children or overweight women or anyone, or finding money in a pocket or drawer. But I also realized just how grateful I am for all the awkward people around the world, more especially, I'm grateful for the awkward people I have the joy of crossing paths with. They make my life so enjoyable, give me something to laugh about and remind me how grateful I am to be me.

Here are just a few experiences over the past couple of weeks.

New Roommate: I met the new addition to our apartment on saturday as I was watching Modern Family. At first sight I knew he was a little  awkward (I know it sounds bad, like I judge, but you can just tell...) and my first impression did not disappoint. I heard him head to the bathroom and before he had come out I had literally finished two episodes of Modern Family. When he finally came out this is what happened:
New Roommate: "So, you guys have been living here for awhile, right?"
Me: "Ya, why?"
NR: "You wouldn't happen to have a plunger around would you?"
Me: "I don't think so...did you clog the toilet?"
NR: "Ha ha, ya, I sort of have a knack for it. At my house we had three bathrooms and I bought a plunger for each."
Me: "Nice dude."
He then proceeded to rip off about half a roll of paper towels and clean up the mess on the floor. Then he went to Safeway to buy a plunger....it was fantastic!

Couple in Church: There is this couple at church that express way too much affection. The guy seems pretty normal, but the girl is out of control. I can't quite describe it, but she is just crazy and all over he boyfriend at church. I can understand holding hands, or even minor cuddling at church, and I can even understand the occasional peck on the check, but these two are almost making out at church at times. But she is always kissing him and making him kiss her and she is constantly draped over, hanging on, or smothering him....and it's not like they sit in the foyer or in the back of the chapel, instead they sit right in the middle so everyone gets to experience just how much sexual tension they have. It is so awkwardly awesome.

Little Asian at the Club: A couple of weekends back I went to the club/pub with my friends and we spent the whole night dancing. It was surprisingly a lot of fun, but what made it so awesome was watching the awkwardness happen over and over again. At the club there was an Asian guy dancing nearby, he was probably 5'3" and dancing as awkwardly as possible. And I know awkward dancing, being a terrible dancer myself. If you can shuffle your feet while bouncing a little bit and let your arms swing then you can not only dance just like this guy, but imagine him doing so the entire time. But that alone wasn't what made it so awkward and great. It was enhanced by how hard he tried to dance with girls almost a half foot taller than him. He never had any success, he would just dance on the outside of a group of girls as they tried to ignore him. The little guy was relentless and it was awesome to watch.

Side Note: That night my truck was about 5' from a murder scene and we had to wait about an hour for them to deal with the scene before they let us in to take my truck back.
You can't really see from this picture, but there are about 6 cop cars, 2 fire trucks and an ambulance down there and police tape blocking off the entire block...also note, cops don't like drunk people.

Thank you awkward people. You keep life interesting and make me laugh so keep up the good work!

Funny People

I've heard quite a few funny things over the past few weeks and I decided that I have some pretty funny friends and family.

For example, two weeks ago I was playing Halo with Joe and his buddies when one of them was asked if he was going to see the Green Lantern he responded with, "Why would I want to see a movie about a guy that gets his powers from camping gear?" And Joe responded by saying, "What if he had like a crap ton of propane though?"

Also a person who shall remain nameless recently said, "you know, sometimes I wish I were a bear so I could crap anywhere I wanted and no one could do a dang thing about it."
 
Then this past weekend I hung out with my nephews and we went to an amusement park in Gilroy. The kids were hilarious and were always making funny comments during the trip. The rides weren't the best, but the scenery was amazing and for only $10 I can't complain one bit.

Typical little punks right there.

I think I need to keep a journal of all the funny things I hear, cause they are plentiful. So to all you funny people out there. Thank you. You enrich my life and I hope that your humor and wit will continue to bless those around you.

Celebrate

Friday, May 13, 2011 at approximately 4:30 p.m. pacific time I finished a 3 hour property exam and as a result had finished my first year of law school.

Afterwards, I grabbed some nachos with my study group and then we headed over to the bar that is located across the street from campus. I was only planning on staying for an hour or two, since being the only sober person in a bar tends to get boring pretty quick. With that said, I had a great time celebrating/talking with all my great law school friends. But I was shocked when I felt ready to go that it was already 10 and that I had been entertained for about 4 hours. So I said my goodbyes/congrats and headed out.

When I got home from the bar I decided to celebrate in my own Mormon way. I grabbed a Mountain Dew, put on my swimsuit and relaxed in the hot tub for a half hour.

It was a great way to unwind and reflect on the past 10 months of my life as a California resident and a law school student. It hasn't been the easiest year of my life and there were definitely times when I wondered what the hell I was doing. But overall, it has been a great one. I've made some great friends at school and at church. I've had some awesome times (concerts, baseball games, Switzerland, the beach, visits to the city, softball, dodgeball, poker nights, etc.). And I've learned a little bit/studied for a disgusting amount of time.

A wise man once wrote that "every blessing ignored becomes a curse." I know that being grateful is an important part of life and a large factor in my ability to be happy....what I'm really trying to say is that I have a good life and I am grateful for it each and every day. And it is good in large part due to all the great friends and family I have. So thanks everyone who is a part of my life, whether you're at law school, church, Utah, California, New York, Idaho, Switzerland, or somewhere else. I love you all and hope you are grateful for your life and realize just how great your life is too.

Also, this...

Voltron's Summer Camp

Finals started this last week, one 3 hour test on Tuesday, one on Friday, another this Monday, and the last on Friday the 13th. Nevertheless, life is good. Really good.

Why, in the middle of finals would I say that? Well let me tell you.

First and foremost, on Tuesday, immediately following my first final, my coed softball team, the bad news barristers, won our final game of the season, went undefeated and became the Intramural Softball regular season champions! That's right, the old law students handed losses to all 4 of our opponents. It is likely one of the greatest accomplishments of my schooling career. Especially considering that going into it I wasn't too sure we would be any good at all. Turns out we are pretty dam good and I can't wait to see what we can accomplish these next two weeks.

Second, on Thursday I received a check in the mail for $118.43 from T-Mobile. I was part of a class-action law suit against them for unfair contract cancellation practices. I think it's just a premonition of how awesome I am going to be as a lawyer. Also, it's nice cause I'm hoping it can feed me with a steady diet of beans and protein shakes for the next 54 days.

Third, summer is pretty much here! And now I live in California rather than Utah and it is awesome.

Also, I got into summer school classes here, so it looks like I'm gonna stay and party in the 408 rather than be a tourist in Istanbul. So now I get to enjoy a summer of sun, bbq, baseball, beaches, workouts, basketball, xbox, lost, starcraft, and hopefully a chance to work a few weekends at the infamous Bohemian Grove. If you don't know what it is google it and educate your ignorant self. I am already getting excited for the summer and in anticipation I am all tanned up for it...it is shaping up to be the best summer of my life of 2011!

But before that party even starts I get to visit the UT for the last two weeks of May and watch a few of my friends get married/become dead to me, but mostly I'm coming back to party with y'all. So consider yourselves warned and make sure you're ready to shotgun mountain dews, play bingo, and watch American Idol and Saved by the Bell just like the old days.

Finals suck, but there are a lot of positive things going on in my life and I am just excited for the fun times that will be this summer and I am very excite!

PS - I decided after watching Hot Rod for the thirty-first time that I want to name my firstborn, regardless of gender, Voltron Zollinger. If my future wife isn't cool with it I'll settle for Ron Swanson Zollinger or Tom Haverford Zollinger. You think I'm kidding...but I'm not.

Summer Camp

As all of you know. San Diego + Me is not happening this summer.
So many of you are likely up late at night thinking, "Brett, what are you going to do this summer?"

So rather than let you stew for weeks, here are the current plans/possibilities:

1- Watch all 6 seasons of lost

2- Watch a crap load of movies, specifically Harry Potter 7: Part 2

3- Baseball games, BBQs, sun, beach, get tan

4- Study abroad/internship in Istanbul

5- Read a book, for fun

Finals start tomorrow, but I'm just excited to see what I end up doing this summer. If you have any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

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Good Friday

Good Friday started off not so good. I began the day outlining and being rejected by my San  Diego internship. I told my friends that even a win by the Braves would do next to nothing to make-up for the rejection. But by 6 I was in San Fransisco getting ready to watch the Braves beat the Giants and forgetting about my lack of an internship for the summer. I had some sweet seats in the bleachers in right-center and had a great time watching the Braves beat the Giants 4-1. My opportunities for heckling were many and the weather was fantastic. And after the game, the Giants fans' weak attempts at insults concerning Brooks Conrad and the World Series only made my night brighter.

On Saturday I got some rays while watching my nephews play a lot of baseball, had an Easter feast, and then watched Tim Hudson and the Braves (this time on the tv) beat Tim Lincecum and the Giants 5-2.

The weekend culminated with a great day at church, being reminded that Christ lives, and the Braves sweeping the Giants 9-6 in 10 innings. It was a great weekend and reminded me just how great life is and can be regardless of the little setbacks and trials we experience.  And I kind of felt like this.

I was disappointed about being rejected by SD, but within a few hours something as simple as a baseball game had lifted my spirits and I began to realize that things would work out for the summer. Christ plays, or should play, the same role in our lives. When we are down He can lift us up, He can remind us that life is wonderful and that it is worth living no matter what seems to go wrong. The late Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley was an optimist and once said, "Things will work out. Keep trying. Be believing. Don't get discouraged. Things will work out." I truly believe these words. I know that things will work out for all of us as we strive to do what is right and follow Jesus Christ.

With that said, to all you Giants fans out there...Jason Heyward > Buster Posey.

Dear Law School...

One year of law school has almost been completed. Crazy right?
One might ask, "Brett, what have you learned so far?"
I would respond, "First, in order to stay sane, one must have a balanced life. Second, the answer is the commerce clause."

I don't really want to explain the commerce clause, but here are a few things I've done to attempt having a balanced life:
- Reddit! (don't look at any links with NSFW, it's not a good idea.)
- Chill with Joe in San Rafael
- Hit the gym 5 times a week and get swoll
- Chipotle and the Safeway "chicken bacon ranch"
- Dodgeball League
- Phantogram
- Church every week
- Co-Ed Intramural Softball
- Parks and Recreation
 
Now for things that don't keep me sane:
- Classes
- Outlining all freaking day
- My 45 minute commute
- Constipation/diarrhea
- Finals. They are like corn on a stick, and this is how I feel about them coming up in about 2 weeks....



Now let's just hope I can make it thru finals with my sanity and grades intact and we can consider this year a borderline success.

PS - I'll find out about my internship by Friday morning, so keep up the praying friends!