Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I are artsy

So my little sister is having her 18th birthday on the 30th and I had no idea what to get her. I didn't want to just buy a gift card to some lame store like Forever 21 or something so I tried hard to think of a sweet A present. I couldn't think of anything cool (other than a bonsai tree), so I decided to make her something.

This is my attempt at making a present/creating artwork.

I call it "The R.L.s 1".

I realized again how much I love art.
I think I will do it more often.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I feel dirty inside...

So working at a restaurant often allows one to meet people they otherwise would not have met and have experiences they otherwise would not have had.

This past week at Sabor was one of those times.

Thursday night, there was a table in the restaurant of 6 ladies celebrating a birthday and getting drunk off their A's. I wasn't their server, but as they left I noticed one of the ladies still had on one of our sombreros. They aren't cheap (something like $150 a piece) so I tried to stop them, but they ran out with the hat in a drunken jog/sway laughing. I wasn't about to chase them, so I told my manager and he ran out to talk to them, but they were already in their cars and peeling away from the restaurant.

I chuckled a little to myself and shook my head. That was the last of that sombrero...or so I thought.

About a half hour later, the drunkest girl out of the bunch walked in with the sombrero. I happened to be near the front door and she walked over to me and said she had caught the culprit who stole the hat and she went on to say she was sorry about 7 times. She handed me the hat and went in for a hug. I was caught off gaurd, so I just kind of went with it.

Next thing I know, she is whispering some crap in my ear as she grabs my butt. Then she had the audacity to kiss me on the cheek. She walked away with a smile while she said thank you.

I couldn't quite believe what had happened. I just stood there as she walked out the door and  left me shocked and more than a little bit disturbed. I had just been kissed by a drunk girl and been taken advantage of at the same time and it didn't feel very good.

I'm trying to laugh about it now, but I just feel so dirty inside...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

4x4, a face full of snow, and a Christmas miracle.

I had an experience and I feel the need to write it down. This is my method.

I went to Park City this weekend to party with a good group of friends and while I was down there I decided to visit my dear friend Nat in Midway. It was my first time in the beautiful city and I had a very enjoyable time. While I was indoors tho, it happened to snow a good 8 inches. I left Nat's house at about 1 in the am and headed back up to Park City to party. It was great fun to drive on roads full of snow and unmolested by other less worthy vehicles and drivers. I had a great time sliding around in the snow, fish-tailing, and doing donuts.

Eventually, the fun started to wear off and I realized what kind of situation I was really in. I was in an area I had never been in before, late at night, and in the middle of a pretty heavy snow storm/blizzard. I didn't really let it get to me, but in the back of my head doubt and concern of my safety were beginning to sound.

I got on the highway back to Park City and that's when the real blizzard hit. I wasn't able to see the road because no one had driven on the roads in awhile and so my focus wasn't to stay in between the lines, but rather to stay on the road at all. That usually isn't too hard, but due to the blizzard I was struggling to be able to see the markers that boarder the highway on both sides. With all that said, no real panic set in until I passed an exit sign that was completely covered in snow and I realized I might not be able to recognize my exit when in came. I thought up scenarios of driving aimlessly for hours in the storm, losing control, sliding off the road and freezing to death somewhere north of Midway. I passed a few more illegible signs and I decided that rather than panic I needed to pray.

I quietly said a prayer to myself that I could have the Spirit with me to find my exit. Not even kidding, the next sign I saw had no snow on it, was completely legible and said "Park City Next Exit 1 Mile". It was a tho someone had wiped just that one sign clean. I soon found the exit and in no time I was back at the mansion called a cabin in Park City. Prayer is real. God is real. He cares for us and will bless us if we are willing to ask and to show forth a little faith. Thank you Heavenly Father for the many blessings you have bestowed upon me, my family, and my friends.

I'm a sucker for a good Christmas miracle.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Optimism. Would you consider it a good thing?
You prob do. And for the most part I would agree with you.
But the real question is, can optimism be a bad thing?
In some instances, I believe this to be true.

What good is optimism if it makes you miss or avoid reality and in turn creates more problems and issues. Looking at and dealing with reality allows us to more accurately asses a situation and act accordingly. If you are "optimistic" by pretending that the situation is better than it really is, then chances are you will only make more mistakes and make the situation worse.

That's exactly why we are in our current economic situation, everyone was overly-optimistic. No one prepared for or imagined that tough times could be ahead, everyone assumed that the good times would continue to roll when all the signs were saying that the growth and economic situation were unrealistic and bound to change in the near future. But "optimism" kept us from seeing the truth, it shaded our eyes and now we've fallen into a deep hole.

It's also the reason I believe the recession is far from over, all these stimulus packages have done nothing but postpone the innevitable. We made some mistakes in the past, we went to far in debt and the recession is the consequence. By going through all these measures to soften the blow we have only postponed our consequences, not avoided them all together. Bad decisions bring bad consequences, that's just how life is.

Don't think that I'm a pessimist from these comments, cause I most certainly am not. I hope to make the best of the future, but I don't think we can do that if we are misleading ourselves today by being overly-optimistic. By being realistic today, i can truly be optimistic about the future, it won't necessarily cause me to be over-optimistic.

We need to optimistic, but we also need to be realistic in order to change and improve.
Just don't be stupid and live in a world that doesn't exist. Instead create a better world by living in the real world.

If I could sum it up in two words, I would choose optimistic and realistic. Put them together and you get...realptimistic.


Monday, November 23, 2009

I have a problem when I sleep.

I haven't been getting very much sleep as of late.
So I left my 9:30 class early today and went home to take a nap.

Ya, i went home to take a nap at 10 in the morning.
I was exhausted.
Don't judge me.

My dream, like all dreams, made a lot of sense at the time, but now it just sounds crazy awesome.

I am running down main street and tugging a royal blue, 14 foot canoe behind me.
Some dude in sunglasses and a chick with big hair are chasing me while dragging their own canoe.
I don't really understand why, but I need to get the hell away from them.
Main street begins to fill with water and I jump into the canoe as the current takes me swiftly away from my pursuers.
I'm not worried anymore. I'm just excited to be floating down main street on a canoe.
Of course tho, just as I am really enjoying my float down the street all the water begins to drain down the big drains on the corner of 1400 north.
Panic sets in again as I realize that my canoe isn't gonna last long being pushed along the rough asphalt.
Luckily, the canoe doubles as a sail. I grab the sides of the canoe as it lifts up into the air.
I'm flying superman style behind my canoe turned sail/flying device.
I hit traffic and panic hits again as I fly narrowly between speeding UPS trucks on both sides.
Just as I am about to hit one of the trucks head on, I pull up and fly into the sky.
I am flying swiftly thru the air...what an amazing feeling!
I've never had so much fun, the feeling of flying is better than anything I have yet experienced in my life and I realize that this is the first time in my life that I have flown in a dream...
No sooner had I realized this than my great dream quickly turned into a terrible nightmare.
I began to spin out of control and everything turned dark.
I instantly opened my eyes to the sight of my room on fire and the sound of sirens and screaming.
I wanted to jump up out of bed and run, but I couldn't move, couldn't shout, I could only lay there and watch the fire consume my room and imagine my imminent death.
I'm awake, conscious, and I begin to truly panic as the feeling of death creeps into my bones and makes my stomach twist and turn with pain.
Death is so close...I struggle and struggle and somehow break free from my paralysis.  The hallucination is gone in an instant.

And I realize, it's not on fire.
I'm not going to die by being burnt alive.
Praise the Lord.
I had almost pooped my pants.

I hate my condition.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I choose you!

Immortality Institute by The Abandoned Hospital Ship
This isn't much of a music video, it's mostly just a picture with music playing, but this song is amazing and easily my favorite non-church song.
So please, just go listen to it.
I love it.
You'll love it

PS- For those of you wondering, my favorite song of all time is "If you could hie to Kolob". It is amazing.
PPS- You can download The Abandoned Hospital Ship's album for free here.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hush baby, don't cry.

There is a lot of crappy shiz going on out there in the world these days. Times are rough and there are probably some even harder times ahead of us.

Bad things are always going to happen, that's life and we can't control it. But we can control how we react to it. Let's take control of the situation and make the best of it. And I think that I have the perfect solution. Just laugh. Laugh at it. Life is ironic. Life isn't fair. So what? Just make the best of it. Laugh at the good. Laugh at the bad. Laughing doesn't only make life bearable, but it makes it enjoyable. Take what life gives you and enjoy it.

Just laugh it.

If you need some help to get you started, just watch this and laugh...Life is tenawesome.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My mom says it's impolite...

If someone asked me what my best talent was, you know what I would say?

Or eructating.

Ask anyone who knows anything about me and they'll admit I'm pretty good at it. Not only are they loud, but they last a long time and they smell delectable. The reason I mention this is not to tute my own horn, but because of an experience I had in the Hub the other day.

So anyone that has visited the hub at USU knows that it employs people with disabilities to pick up the trash and clean the tables. So one day, we were having Hub Club by just eating and enjoying our time with friends. So in mid conversation I had to belch pretty bad so I let it loose. At that moment, 2 disabled employees were cleaning the garbage near us and when they heard me belch they both started laughing. Those 2 guys were smiling from ear to ear, they thought my belch was one of the funniest things they had heard. One of them even told me that my belch sounded just like an elk.

An elk!
What an honor.

We all had a good laugh about it and continued on with Hub Club. A few minutes later the 2 guys walked by and both of them were watching me, just waiting for me to belch again, but I didn't have one and I could tell they were disappointed. So I made sure that I had one ready the next time they walked by and I let another loud belch go. They started laughing again and we followed with some loud laughter ourselves. It was great. So much joy out of something so simple.

See mom, belches are good for something.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Homeless in Seattle

There are a few constants in every big city:

Dark alleys
Strip clubs
Good food
and Homeless people

I don't know what it was about Seattle this past week, but the homeless people there loved me and I feel like giving to them was my fee to visit the city and see the sites each day. I swear I was approached by at least 3 homeless people each day asking for some type of help . (By approached I don't mean those sitting on the sidewalk with signs or shaking a cup at the corner of a busy intersection, i mean literally approached.) I would be walking with 10 other people, all of which were better dressed, nicer looking, and cooler than me, and some homeless dude would walk right up to me and only ask me for help. I swear they didn't even glance at anyone else I was with. They would walk across the street in front of oncoming traffic to ask me for money and food, they would grab my elbow from behind in the market and tell me how they just got out of prison and need help finding work or a cab to Tacoma. They would freaking block my path and only my path on the sidewalk to tell me I was a good kid and I needed to help them.

You might think to yourself, "well it's because you are a 6'6" giant sore thumb just asking for attention and beggars." I would normally agree, but I wasn't the only 6'6" sore thumb on the trip. Eric was usually there too and they didn't look at him twice and we all know he has more money than me. Then you might think, "well maybe you're just an idiot and fall into their traps easy." In this case you might be right, I guess I could have just shrugged them off or lied and said I didn't have any money.But does having compassion and being honest make me an idiot?

No it doesn't. I am no idiot.

I really have no idea why they only approached me on this trip, maybe I just look extra nice and giving? If that's it I can't complain one bit, but we all know that's a stretch. I guess I'm just a sucker for homeless peeps and I'm prob pretty easy to read.

And I'm ok with that.

Seattle was great, the company was hilarious, and the sights were beautiful.

Paying off the homeless was worth it.

Best Road trip of '09. By far.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Later now, or now later?

You remember the candy "Now and Later" right? They are initially really hard, so you suck on them now and then later you enjoy the chewy goodness, right?

Well today I saw something that made me realize what a messed up society we live in. I saw "Now and Later Soft." Initially I thought they just had a new package, but under close scrutiny and careful sampling I realized these weren't your regular Now and Later treats. They weren't hard at all like most Now and Laters, they were only chewy.

There was no now and later, it was only later, now.

I was dumbfounded.
I couldn't understand what I was experiencing.
Was I experiencing the now or the later?
Was I chewing the later now?
If so, is that how time travel works?

I concluded that I couldn't be enjoying the now since that was the hard portion, so I must have been enjoying the later. The only problem is how is there a later without a now or a time prior to the later?

It's crazy to think about, right?!

The funny thing is, this is exactly how our society works and one of its many problems. We try to enjoy the later, now. But it doesn't make sense, and it most certainly doesn't work. You can't enjoy tomorrow today.  Not only is it is not possible, but you will never be truly happy or content if you try to live in the future.

Today no one ever wants to work for anything, all we want is instant gratification. We want it all at once. I need a cheeseburger now. I need a new car now. I need a boat now. I need a house now. I need a hot tub now. I need a pet tiger now. I need all that my parents have after 40 years of hard work, now.

Now now now. Need need need. That is what we have been reduced to: a bunch of lazy people who aren't willing to work for anything and who aren't willing to wait for the later. In so doing we rob ourselves of the opportunity to live in and enjoy the now, the only time that actually exists. Instead we are trying to live in tomorrow and we forget the gift that is the present. This is one of the many reasons that we are unhappy, we are living in a time that does not exist called tomorrow.

You want to be happy? Eat a now and later. Live in the now and enjoy the later.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

#1 Threat to America...Kittens

I sell Mexican food. Sometimes I smell like Mexican food.

I've been there (Cafe Sabor) for 3 years now, and I've come to learn some very interesting things. Most of all, how strange some people in this world are.

This past Friday night I was serving tables out on the patio, and I had one particular table that made me laugh at how ridiculous some people can be. It was two couples and their children just enjoying a night out to eat. They didn't seem to be very weird, just your average table that pretty much just sits there and eats without talking. So about half way thru their meal, one of the guys at the table grabs my attention. I go over and ask what I can do for them. He informs me in a disgusted tone that there is a cat out there. Mind you we were outside, so I said, "Ok, cool." But that wasn't what he wanted to hear, he wanted me to get rid of it or something. So I went over to where this vicious cat was, and I find a kitten, weighing a whopping 2 lbs and that's being generous on the fat side. As soon as I see the kitten, it flees. So I turn back to the guy, shrug my shoulders and say "I don't really know what I can do about that." Then he informed me that he was gonna stomp it if it even came close to him. So i shrugged again, made an unintelligible remark and walked off.

I thought for sure that would be the end of that, but the rest of the evening he continued to harass me and other servers working out on the patio about the kitten that was disrupting their dinner...freakin' weirdo.

Guess I should have realized that kittens are the number 1 threat to Americans.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Wonderful Inventions

Last night at about 2:30 a.m., after an exciting adventure floating cutler I witnessed a genius invention. Courtesy of Matthew.

It goes like this:

We went to Burger King to grab a little late night grub. We had to go through the drive-thru since it was closed inside. But we had a dilemma, our gracious driver, Natalie, didn't want to have her car smell like rodeo burgers and we wanted 3 of 'em.

What were we to do?

Luckily, Matthew thought quickly and rolled down the window. We were all expecting him to hold it out the window on the way home. But. To our amazement he rolled the window up on bag so that it pinched the top of the bag, allowing the burgers to hang freely (and safely) out the window.

This wonderful invention allowed everyone to be appeased creating a Pareto scenario. Natalie didn't have a car smelling of rodeo burger and Matthew was not required to put strain on his arm by holding it out the window the entire trip.

It was amazing. A borderline miracle.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

X-Men for real?!

So I just discovered that my favorite childhood comic book is for reals. X-men is the story about good mutants who fight evil ones. I always thought it was a ridiculous idea, but a new study recently published shows that each and everyone one of us have anywhere from 150 - 200 mutations...

We are all mutants!
Now the key is to harness those mutations and all the energy behind them and become the mutants out mommas want us to become.
I can't wait to shoot lasers out of my eyes, fly, and stab stuff with the bones comin' out of my knuckles...oh what a glorious day!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Maximus Desimus Meridius

Just watched my favorite movie.

It gets me everytime.

I think I'll name my first boy Maximus so he'll grow up to have strong and good morals. So that he will influence those around him for the positive. So he'll grow to be a real man, a good man.

Such a good movie.

The soundtrack is amazing too. Hans Zimmer is a genius.

Monday, August 10, 2009

She's a man eater

How do you feel about Hillary Clinton? Well if you feel about her the same way I do, you'll love to know how easy it is to get under her skin. Check out this video.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Not for the faint of heart

There is a lot of crap TV out there, so whenever anything good is found I tend to get obsessed with it for awhile. Case and point, my 2 year obsession with the Office. I've recently been watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". It is a hilarious show, but not for everyone, and definitely not for the faint of heart. It often goes over the line, and then keeps going until you think it's over and it continues going over the line. Even with that said, I still watch it because it is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen and here is a little clip I enjoy a great deal.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Nothing to Worry About

This video has changed my life, I'm not even kidding. It is one of the coolest things I have seen in my entire, exciting life. Check it out here.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Odd news

I read the news. In that news I sometimes come across odd and disturbing articles. Today, I found an article showing evidence that gnomes are turning to facism in order to be heard. For all of you who love gnomes, this is very disturbing and should not be taken lightly. Watch them closely.

Also in odd news, a man is viciously attacked by birds or a bird, i don't really remember. But read it.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

By the beard of Zues

I did one of my favorite things the other day. I wore a new pair of socks. It is one of those simple pleasures in my life, new socks just feel so good on my feet and they make me a happier person. If only I could wear new socks everyday...and I just realized that life with no socks would suck. Thank the heavens for socks!

Anyway, it got me thinking about the simple pleasures I enjoy in life and I wanted to share some of those:

-eating breakfast for dinner
-playing in water when it's hot as sin outside
-annoying other people by chewing my gum too loud
-eating fruit right off the tree/plant/bush
-laying on the tramp at night
-rolling down the windows
-sounding like darth vader by talking into a fan
-hot rod
-reading a book on a rainy day
-getting a call from work saying you don't have to come in today
-major league chew bubble gum
-watching people that don't know you're watching them
-girls that smell good
-singing along to my music while driving
-getting a tan from mowing lawns
-late night movies

The list goes on. Life is good.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Big City

So Bon Iver was off the hook. The music was amazing, I loved hearing Bon Iver live, he was amazing. Tons of friends there made it a USU reunion. Also, the people watching was the best you could ever hope for since there were about 10,000 people packed into the Gallivan Center and most of them were weird as shi. So what I'm trying to say is that if you weren't there, you should have been.
The fun continued even outside the concert confines and we had a few choice meetings with the crazies in the streets of the big city.

Crazy #1- Nasty Santa
This old guy was outta control. He had a nice white beard, but that was the only nice thing about his appearance. He had no shirt on, and smelled like a garbage can. As we passed by him on our way to the concert he said everyone wanted him to "do Michael Jackson" and asked me what his favorite song was. I responded with Smooth Criminal and he said "that one sucks, I wanna sing dark side of the moon!" I gave him a questioning look and moved on...I never realized Micheal Jackson was the singer of Pink Floyd.

Crazy #2- Fire Man
Hunger overtook us post-concert, so we sat on the grass outside Wendy's and stuffed our faces. It took literally 30 seconds until a crazy came up and started talking to us. He was riding a bike on his way home from the "fire station". He said he was currently going to fire fighter school and continued to talk to us the entire time we were eating about everything from fires, to the Jazz, to USU athletics, to his amazing abilities as a quarterback, and on to who knows what. As we departed ways, he rode off on his old Wal-Mart bike and said, "maybe I should go get my car so I can get some Wendy's too." Good luck living that dream fire man, good luck.

Crazy #3- The Sellsman
While talking to fire man, a fidgetting black man carrying a big paper bag walks into our circle and informs us that he is trying to sell a lighter. He only wanted 2 bucks so he could save up for a six-pack. Such a worthy goal. He pulled the lighter out, and spent a few seconds trying to get it to work, it looked like it was pretty well used. We were all pretty interested, but unfortunately we only had "plastic" so we couldn't buy it from him. As soon as he found out we didn't have cash he left without a word to find his next customer.

Crazy#4- Snowboarder #1
We saw this guy and his buddy walking towards us through the parking lot as we were saying our goodbyes in the Wendy's parking lot. But before we could all jet to our cars he asked if I had a cigarette, unfortunately I don't smoke, so I couldn't help. I'm pretty sure he was on some serious drugs/meds and began to inform me that he used to be the best snowboarder in the world, and the he could effing do a mctwist despite what the effing effers thought. Just cause he was drunk the effers thought he couldn't do effing shi, but they were wrong he could do a effing mctwist off a jump not a halfpipe. I told him he should get back up there and show them. He colcuded with some more explitives and excuses, but he finally left after a nice fist bump....what a night in the big city, slc.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Gypsy Time

Everything is Illuminated is an awesome movie. Ever since I watched it this last weekend, I've been listening to gypsy music. I don't know how to put videos up on my blog, but here is a LINK to a sweet gypsy music video. Watch it, I promise you won't be disappointed.

And jsyk if I had to choose between purple or pink I'd choose either.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Twilight this!

Twilight Summer Concert Series:
July 9 - Bon Iver/Jenny Lewis
July 16- The Black Keys/Human Highway
July 23- M. Ward/Land of talk
July 30- Sonic Youth/Awesome Color
August 6- Q-Tip/B.o.B.
August 13- Toots and the Maytals/N.A.S.A.
August 20- Iron & Wine/Okkervil River
August 27- Robert Randolph and the Family Band/Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears

Don't be fooled by the name similar to a lame movie/book, these are all free concerts at the Gallivan Center in SLC and they are dope!

In fact, I'm pretty sure it's the best thing that has ever happened to my life. Last year I saw Andrew Bird and Nada Surf there for free...two of the best nights of my life, so I can only imagine what it's going to be like to see Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, and M. Ward in the same summer.

Everyone should come to all of these, even if you don't know the bands playing the people watching is excellent at these things. Peace.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Death is just another journey.

This last week I almost died.
I'm mostly kidding, but I'm also mostly not.

I had just about every symptom you can think of. Body aches, head aches, vomiting, diarreah, coughing, fatigue, fever, etc. I couldn't eat anything without throwing up, and I could barely move. It got so bad by tuesday that I had to move home to my mom's house so she could nurse me back to health. From sunday night to wednesday night I didn't eat a thing and in the process lost over 15 lbs. I was a little bit worried that I had the swine flu (thanks Jo), so I decided I should go to the doctor to get it all sorted out. I was there for over an hour, and I got tested for about 10 different viruses and diseases. But I left knowing only one thing. That I did not have swine flu...what a freaking shame, I always wanted to be part of an epidemic.

So 5 days after going to the doctor's office, they finally decided to get back to me today on all my tests and the nurse informed me that I tested negative on everything. On everything? What the freaking hell?! Apparently I was perfectly healthy last week. I guess I just need to stop being a baby and just man up...freaking doctor's office is a waste of time.

Side note:
Jo says he had swine flu, but we really have no way of knowing since he never got tested for it...just thought everyone should know the truth.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


Experiences this week:

1- While visiting my good friend Mckay at Mooch's, there was a crazy KFC employee buying some beers in front of me. I needed a Fastbreak candy bar, so I went up to buy it after he left and the next thing I know, I got the crazy man's blood on my hand. Logically, I freaked out and had a mental breakdown in my effort to clean it off. Now I'm pretty sure that I have the hiv...finally, I've been trying to get it for years.

2- I was standing in my friend's front yard, just minding my own dang business when I noticed something fall out of the sky. I looked down just in time to see a large piece of bird poop land on my shirt and quickly ooze down onto my shorts. I couldn't believe it, a bird pooped on me. The audacity! I looked around at my friends and said, "Are you shittin' me? I just got pooped on!" Everyone just laughed, so I had not choice but to look up and shake my fist at the heavens.

Lessons this week:

1- Gasoline stations smell like gasoline. Weird.

2- Bird poop is brown on the outside, white on the inside. Just like a Charelston Chew.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Friends. They come, they go.

I had the opportunity to attend the wonderful spectacle known as a "demolition derby" a few weeks ago and it got me to thinking about an old friend of mine.

The Mullet.

My Mullet and I were one of the first on the scene up at USU and a large part in making me the man I am today. So I just wanted to spend a few minutes to remember all the good times that we had together and to pay tribute to my old friend.

We had fun riding my motorcycle together, pickin' up all the hot ladies, gettin' weird looks, being a bad A redneck, and pretty much doing everything cool you could ever do in life together.

This is what bedhead mullet looks like.This is called the Mullet-tail, it's a rare sight.

I was way sad to cut it, but my mom conned me into doing it...

This is just prior to the chopping of the mullet.

I know, I know. It looks kind of girly in this shot.

I miss you Mullet.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Lost this!

I used to be one of those people that thought the TV show Lost was ridiculous, but now I can honestly say that I'm addicted to it. So imagine my amazement when I heard that an Airliner was "lost" during turbulence over the Atlantic Ocean today...I think Lost is for reals!

Check out the article.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It walked on my pillow!

Sunday afternoons are great. After a good session of church, Jo, Tyler, and I went to my mom's house for some lunch and then lounged around at our sweet pad and just talked. The topics of conversation included the awesome girls in our lives, the gospel, and our missions. It was great to reminisce about my mission, it brought a tear to my eye and made me want to go back to Florida so bad! I miss all the crazy people in the south and I miss being a missionary. Life was so simple and so sweet as a missionary, it was a good time. Then Jo and I chilled outside the church listening to some sweet BYU choir music while Tyler met our new Bishop. I'm glad I've got such good friends, they are a great blessing in my life.

To cap off any good Sunday afternoon, you gotta have a nap. So I did. About an hour later I woke up to the sound of scrambling in the kitchen. At first I thought it was someone just getting home and being obnoxiously noisy about it. But the obnoxious noise didn't stop, so I went into the kitchen to investigate and to my utter astonishment, there was a bird perched on the handlebars of Jo's bike.
I couldn't believe it and had no idea what to do. I was the only one home and the poor guy kept trying to fly thru the window to escape. I knew I had to do something, but I wasn't sure just how to get him out of the house. So I looked around for anything that might help me and saw a broom. I instantly thought of the only example in my life of someone getting a bird out of a house. Buster.

I opened the door to the back yard, grabbed the broom, and began to wave the broom at the bird. It ran into the window a few more times, but after 3 or 4 waves of the ol' broom stick, the bird finally caught on and flew out the open doorway.

I was pretty proud of myself and glad I was there for the experience. Then I noticed the poop all over the place! Poor little Daxter Sr., Dexter for short, was so scared in my house that the poop was scared out of him and ended up all over the floor and chairs. I thought about leaving it there since I didn't want to break the Sabbath, but I didn't want to get bird flu or some crap like that, so I cleaned it up without throwing up. Not even a little bit in my mouth.

What a great Sunday, great friends and pooping Daxter Sr., I loved it. I'm just glad he didn't walk on my pillow.
The poor little guy was scared poopless!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Coolest kid on the block

I love living close to home and being able to see my family whenever I feel like it, especially my nieces and nephews. My 5 year old nephew, John, is one of my best friends and we go crazy together, bug his mom, and play all sorts of games together, by all sorts I mean 4 sorts:

-Playing on the tramp.
-Watching 'Destroyed in Seconds' on the Discovery Channel.
-Anything that involves us fighting/wrestling.

But John isn't my best friend just because he's fun, the kid is a freaking genius.

Example 1-About 2 weeks ago, it was one of the rare spring days in Logan in which it didn't snow and the sun actually shined, we were sitting on the couch and John turns to me and says, "Did you know this is a crazy spring?" I asked him what he meant and he said, "Well one day it snows. Then it's sunny. Then it snows again. Then it's sunny again! Can you believe it? It's a crazy spring."
Example 2 -Last week I was eating dinner at my mom's house and coughed a little bit. John was sitting across from me and and had a worried look on his face. I asked him what was up and he asked me "Do you have the swine flu?" I laughed and said no. He looked relieved and said "Good, it comes from pigs and kills people."

I love my nephew, he is by far the coolest kid on the block. Check it.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I Can Read

I LOVE to read. There, I said it.

I read for fun. I read to learn about history and current events. I read to grow spiritually. Reading improves our writing and speaking abilities. It makes us smarter. It stirs up our imagination and drives creativity. Books can teach us life lessons and morals. They allow us to learn from others' experiences.

This summer I plan on reading at least one book a month.
Here's the list of potential candidates:
-Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
-Ghost Wars by Steve Coll
-The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
-East of Eden by John Steinbeck
-John Adams by David McCullough
-A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
-The Invisible Heart by Russell Roberts

For anyone looking for a quick read, I recommend The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. The book gives us an interesting view into how Satan and his minions try to tempt us and lead us astray. The book is a collection of letters between two of Satan's minions describing their efforts and devices to tempt men. It's an inspiring book that gives us a new perspective on how to resist temptation, it opens up our understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ and of our purpose in life.

Read it. I promise you won't regret it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I think I have a phobia of floating heads. What do you think that would be called?

The other night, I was just minding my own business, sleeping in my bed, when I suddenly woke up. I opened up my eyes and it was pitch black in the room. I stared at the ceiling for a second and listened to the rain beat on the window. I felt tired and hoped that it wasn't time to wake up. I turned onto my side to check. It was about 2:30.
Good. I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes.
I tried to go back to sleep, but I had an uneasy feeling that wasn't letting my mind rest. Then I heard something that sounded like faint breathing. I have been known to freak myself out late at night, so I've learned to control my thoughts from racing and tried to convince myself that the breathing was all in my head.
But the breathing didn't stop, and the feeling of uneasiness just got stronger...

I opened my eyes and slowly turned onto my side, as I turned I saw a hunched down figure quickly dart through the doorway. The sudden movement made me jump. I laid in my bed, unmoving for about 3 minutes, just listening for a sound, for any sign or evidence that what I had just seen was for reals. I just couldn't take the anticipation and decided to take action. I was hoping that my eyes were just playing tricks on me, but I had to check ,just to make sure. I slowly got out of bed, doing my best to not make a sound. I grabbed my baseball bat, and headed towards my door with only the slightest bit of hesitation. I peered into the hallway, looking in both directions.
I sighed in relief and stepped into the hallway. Then, a movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to my right in time to see a dark figure jump down the stairs. They landed with a loud crash at the bottom. I ran, silent, intent on attacking this intruder. The figure laid in heap at the bottom of the stairs. I hesitated, then slowly and deliberately began to walk down the stairs with my bat poised for the attack. I reached the second to last step, took a deep breath and used my bat to poke the figure...

I opened my eyes. I had let my mind race and I was beginning to freak myself out. I took a deep breath to calm myself. I convinced myself that there was nothing to worry about. I turned onto my side and gasped with fear.
Floating within the pitch black of my closet was an orange/red glowing sphere. It was bobbing slowly up and down with the sound of the breathing.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Then the glowing orb began to move towards me. The chills ran through me, not the kind of chills you get when you lay looking at the stars with someone you care for, but the kind of chills that come with situations of danger and impending death. As it got closer I realized it was some kind of a head. I could see its bloated cheeks and its bulging eyes seemed to be staring me in right in the core of my soul. Fear gripped me tightly and I had no idea what to do, so I sat there staring at it slowly move closer.
It got within a few feet and I realized I had to do something. I jumped up in my bed, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I figured something was better than nothing. Then, then glowing head disappeared and someone began to laugh hysterically. The lights turned on and revealed my friend, Eddy, red-faced and laughing, dressed all in black, and holding a flashlight.
I couldn't believe what had just happened and asked, "What in the H?"
My friend then showed me what happens when you put a very powerful flashlight** in your mouth and turn off the lights.
!Voila a glowing head!

It was nuts. Good times.

I can only think of one thing that has scared me more. But it's a story for another day, and a different medium.

That's all.

** Note that when I say powerful, I'm not talking about mag-lights, I'm talking about seriously high-powered flashlights. The flashlight my friend used cost over $250. Flashlights of this caliber are made by surefire, my friend has 3, he is obsessed.

Friday, April 10, 2009

close call with plasma

Every monday and friday afternoon I spend 2 to 3 hours and sell myself. It's ok, I don't have anything better to do those afternoons, and it pays for my rent. Plus it's pretty fun. most of the time.

This last week tho, things were a little different. I was just sitting there, pumping my fist, donating my plasma, watching Hancock, and pretty much just minding my own business when my life was changed forever.

A girl had just finished selling her plasma and was walking towards the west end of the room where you get paid. She was almost there when she suddenly stopped and swayed for a second before falling forward. She she landed on the tile floor by slapping it with her face. The sound of impact was like that of a big, 32 oz., uncooked steak getting slapped on the kitchen counter.

Blood started gushing from her broken nose and began covering the floor as she lay there unconscious. With a gasp of breath and a sudden jerk of movement, she came to and began to vomit all over. People waiting began to stand up and scramble away from the mess as employees began to do their best to control the situation.

But there was little they could do as all hell broke loose. Three more people soon fainted causing employees and "patients" alike to begin running and screaming. It was utter mayhem and I couldn't believe what was happening.

I looked around me and other people who were donating were yanking needles out of their arms and running for the doors as blood spurted from their un-bandaged arms.

I didn't understand what was happening, but the panic was contagious and I felt the urge to follow the example of my peers. I tried to stay calm, but the situation soon deteriorated. The lights went out and people started attacking each other, and I saw a kid go down as a girl bit him on the neck. I feared for my life, so I grabbed some gauze, tape, 2 sticks of dynamite, and a large roll of duct-tape and did my best to find a way to an exit.

I'll never be the same, but I love donating plasma, it saves lives.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Mystery of life solved?

Scientists have finally discovered the reason why scratching relieves an itch!

I know what you're thinking right now.

You're thinking, "There is no way in H we've finally answered this deep, complex, and mysterious question that has foiled scientists and geniuses for decades!"

But you'd be wrong, we have, right here.

Scratching relieves an itch by blocking activity in the spinal cord nerve cells that transmit the sensation to the brain.

I have no idea what in the world that means, but I'm just relieved that we finally have this problem figured out. It's been driving me nuts for years, and I'm glad we've spent millions and millions of dollars to finally understand our itches.

Just as a side note, we still haven't figured out why we have some itches for no apparent reason. But have faith, more money will be poured into understanding this intriguing and very important question and more of life's mysteries will be solved.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

i wonder

i wonder at times,
why so many bad things happen so quickly,
why the world seems to fall apart,
why my life seems so sickly,
why i have so many problems,
why nothing goes the way i think it should,
why bad things happen to those i love,
why the world has no more good,
why He won't answer above.
life can come crashing down
and destroy our lives if we allow
but it always moves on down
whether or not we allow.
sometimes i wonder
why there are so many things i enjoy,
why my family is the best ever,
why i have good friends that bring me joy,
why i can be happy forever,
why i am so blessed,
why so many things fall into place,
why i'm not depressed,
why He gives me grace.
life is good,
why, i wonder...

Bad things happen, it's life. It's not in our power to change those things that happen. All we can do is find the best things in life, and look at things with a good perspective. Our purpose is to be happy, we can only do that by being optimistic and including Him in our lives.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Time

I seem to remember a Time, a time with four Seasons.
Summer and Spring were sublime, and Winter and Fall gave me reason.
A Time of joy and joyness.
A Time where happiness and laughter were abound.
A Time with no distress.
A Time where no sadness was found.
Each season came and went, went and came.
When Winter was spent; spring, on it came.
Each season shared its life, no one took more than any other
So as to avoid strife and to care for one another.
This Time, it has past, and it seems that Father Winter is here to stay.
He comes each year a little to fast, as if we can't wait to play.
He stays a little too long, like an awkward friend who doesn't know when to leave.
He stays tho he does not belong and does his best to deceive.
A Time of cold and coldness.
A Time of heavy coats and jackets.
A Time where the out-of-doors are a mess.
A Time without any tennis racquets.
Now we can only dream of those Times of four Seasons
Of Summer Time ice-cream and Times of reason.
A Time, of Seasons.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Life Abnormal

This morning as I left for school, I hit my head on the light hanging from the ceiling and it caused me to ponder upon all the great aspects of life as a tall person (currently i reside at 6'6"). I just want to impress upon all people of normal height just what it is you are missing:

1- You often hit your head on objects. Including, but not exclusive to: ceilings, hanging decorations, lights, and doorways.
2- I've realized that most vehicles are made for people 6 feet tall and shorter. Cars are way too small, you're not able to fit comfortably in the front seats so don't even try the back seat (back seat in the middle on the hump is the worst). Airplanes are rides from hell, not only do you have to pull your legs up into your chest to be able to sit down, you can't even stand without having to bend over so your head is between your knees.
3- Clothes are almost impossible to find unless in addition to being tall you are also fat. For some reason the people that make clothes have come to the conclusion that if you're tall you must also be overweight. But it's a lie, some of us aren't that fat.
4- People use you. If I had a nickle for every time someone asked me to do something simply because of my height I would be filthy rich.
5- People always assume you must not only play basketball (which I do), but that you must also be good at it (which I am not).
6- Beds (and couches for that matter) are almost always too short, so you either spend your nights with your legs hanging off the end of the bed or with your legs bent in not-so-comfortable positions.

But don't worry, it's not all bad.
7- I never have to worry about being shorter than a girl.
8- You don't need a ladder or chair to reach items up high in the atmosphere.
9- It's easy to intimidate people, and make them feel insignificant.
10- You can take 3 steps at a time going up the stairs, no problem.
11- You take 1 step for every 2 steps a normal sized person takes.
12- You get to stand in the back in group pictures.

Don't get me wrong I love being tall and stuff, I'm just trying to give ya'll some perspective. So please just take it easy on those of us who might be abnormally tall, it's not as easy as as you might suspect.

Friday, March 20, 2009


The Aggies just lost in the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament to Marquette by a score of 57-58. I'm glad they put up a good fight and everything, but I'm pretty livid that we lost. Then to think that when we're down by 3 with only seconds to go we give the ball to our center, Gary Wilkinson, to shoot the 3-pointer...don't get me wrong, I love Gray Wilkinson as much as the next Aggie fan, but the game tying 3? Really? Seriously?

I just think it was dumb, and I am mad.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Two Brothers on a Hotel Be-ed

Oh how i love spring break! It is such a good time, so many good memories are made and crazy times are had by most during this break. So when you think of spring break locations what comes to mind? Maybe Mexico or So Cal or Florida?

Not so in the Zollinger household, the first place that came to mind was Reno, NV. You might be thinking to yourself that it doesn't seem like a prime place to visit on spring break (and you'd be right, it's a trashy hole in the desert) but you might also think that it could be fun since it's in Nevada, and pretty much anything goes in Nevada. And to the credit of my family, Reno was the host of this years WAC basketball tournament, giving us a decent excuse for choosing it as our spring break location.

We (me, dad, bro) were in Reno for a total of three days, and let me tell you, we had some crazy times. You might come to the conclusion that we had some fun in the casinos, or clubs, or any of the various inappropriate activities of the Reno nightlife. But let me tell you, the Zollinger family is not your average family. Besides the 8 games of basketball we planned on watching, we had only two other activities on the schedule:

1- Go to the Reno Temple.
2- Have family scripture study.

Needless to say we had a blast. The 16 hours of college basketball were pure goodness. The Aggies won the tournament by beating Nevada on their home court, which was oh so sweet, and I was privileged enough to witness Big Blue humiliate New Mexico's weak sauce mascot "Pistol Pete" by ripping off his mustache and adding insult to injury to our victory over them in the semifinals. But then add to that goodness the joy of feeling the spirit in the Lord's house, and the good times talking about the gospel with my dad and older brother and you've got a recipe for a pretty killer time.

It really was a great spring break and i dare say the best i've ever had(even tho i missed out on a million jokes). I feel like a new man. Who would've thought that a spring break spent in Reno would actually help me become a better person...not I.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Rationalize this

As this is the beginning of my new foray into the art of blog, I feel the need to start off on a good foot and let the world know just how smart and complex a man I am. In my studies of political science and economics, it is often said that most people act in a manner that is self-interested, but nonetheless in a manner that is rational. I agree with the self-interested part and the rational part sounds good if you don't think about it, but then you ask yourself, "what in the hell does it mean to be rational?"

This is where the confusion begins. If you asked me, I'd say that I'm one of the most rational people alive, but I'd also say that there are tons of people out there that aren't rational at all. But are they really irrational? See, the problem is that being rational is based almost exclusively on perceptions of individuals. So who decides what is rational? There are people who think it's rational to smoke (it's not, don't worry), other people may think that being a suicide bomber is rational, and there's prob some crazies out there that think baby Bush was the greatest president since George Washington.

We all know that none of these views are rational, but again, that's the problem with rationality, it's always subject to the perception of the individual. There is no system or set of rules to determine whether someone is acting rationally or not. This is what makes the different studies of human behavior so difficult, yet so intriguing. Really tho, what I'm trying to say is that I'm rational, and there's a good chance you're not, unless you agree with me, then in that case we are both rational and we are friends.